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It’s apocryphal, that tale of a Chinese curse that says “May you live in interesting times.” Some people have doubted it would be a curse at all. I mean, who would want to be bored?!

Writing this at the beginning of May 2020, in times all would agree are highly interesting, I can confirm: it’s a fucking curse.

On top of a worldwide pandemic that is continuing to rage in the US, we now have murder hornets. Fucking murder hornets. I am afraid to inform you that I literally can’t even.

Despite the fact that we still are not testing enough people to determine how widespread COVID-19 actually is, the state of Missouri is reopening today, after a single month of operating under a stay-at-home order. It’s not overstating things to say that I’m terrified. People are going to die. A lot of people are going to die.

Obviously, people have been dying. As I write this, the number of COVID-19 deaths in the US sits at just over 69,000. In Missouri, we’re at 351. And those numbers? Those numbers are so much bullshit. Because we’re still learning about this virus and it’s changing so fast and we’re not testing everyone with symptoms, let alone those not showing symptoms, and definitely not everyone dying. The number of confirmed cases is lower than the number of actual cases by some unknown multiplier. The number of recovered also does not reflect reality. And the number of dead, well…assuming there’s a US of A left on the other side of this, however that happens, there’s going to be a reckoning.

Or, there’s not. Because one of the amazingly terrible things about USians is our complete refusal to face reality.

But, among all the fear and awfulness, there has been some incredible beauty. People have come together online in a way I’ve not seen since the early days of the interwebs, if ever. And while, yes, there are a bunch of asshats out there claiming being asked to forego haircuts is a violation of their freedoms, a remarkable cross-section of individuals has come together to support one another.

Part of this, for me, has been learning how to let myself be vulnerable. A continuation of that is attempting to be authentic here with you.

Social media is easy for me. I don’t know how to be anyone but myself on the various platforms where I engage directly with folks. Something about blogging, though, has always fucked with my head. Perhaps it’s the lack of immediacy – that there can be rereading and revising with a blog post you don’t often find with tweets or Facebook shares. I drop this weird mask over myself and feel the need to put on a show.

So this is my promise to you: I’m going to try my damnedest not to go that route here. And perhaps this will finally be the one blog I don’t drop after a few months because it’s exhausting as hell to update.

If we must live in interesting times, at least we can do so together.

Categories: general musing

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Stormy Lane McKnight

Writer of trashy queer superhero romance, smutty sci-fi, and other things that are gay af. Disaster enby and all around bisexual wrecking ball.