Menu Home

Life’s ups and downs and downs and downs

I do hope that someday this space will be more than an extended mea culpa. Perhaps there will be actual book news. That would be nice, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately, today is not that day.

Taking the bandaid approach, I’m just going to get the worst part out of the way: my partner was let go from his software development position at the beginning of the month. I could go on and on about how fucked up it is to fire a person who has been with the company 16 years on the day after his birthday. Or perhaps I could pen a rant about companies valuing numbers over people during a global pandemic. No matter what I say or don’t say about it, however, the fact is that his income supported our little family and that has been ripped away.

And it sucks.

A lot.

Job loss is a major stressor at the best of times and, for obvious reasons, these are not the best of times. Unsurprisingly, it has kicked my mental health right in the junk. Meaning just when I actually need this stuff to start paying for itself, I have been unable to brain more often than not. So there has been a dearth of wording over the past few weeks.

This also sucks.

A lot.

There have been days when it has taken all of my energy just to get out of bed. Days when sleeping is the only activity I’m fit for. And days when I can’t even manage that because my brain is a giant dick. Shout out mental illness! (That song has made the rounds in my friend group multiple times over the last few months. It’s fucked up, and yet…)

Such are the downs. I think I promised some ups as well, though. Let me just dig through all the bullshit here…and….ah! There’s one:

  • My partner was miserable at his job. When I was drafting this, he came in and – not knowing what I was writing about – announced that Sundays no longer “suck ass.” He loved his work; it was the people he had to work with who made everything awful. Which leads me to… 
  • Not spending all of his energy appeasing douchebags at the office has allowed my partner to turn his attention towards software projects he actually wants to do. He has spent much of the last week coding things he’s excited about. It’s really been wonderful to watch.

One of these endeavors heavily involves my work as well. NaNoWriMo starts up in a week. And I’m nearing the end of the final(ish?) revision of Out in the Black. All of which is to say there isn’t time for me to be super depressed right now. This post also acts as me putting my brain on notice: shape up or…well, not ship out because that won’t work for either of us. So it would be better all around for me to get my shit together.

Everyone thinks it’s a full-time job. Wake up a hero. Brush your teeth a hero. Go to work a hero. Not true. Over a lifetime, there are only four or five moments that really matter. Moments when you’re offered a choice – to make a sacrifice, conquer a flaw, save a friend, spare an enemy. In these moments, everything else falls away. The way the world sees us. The way we [see ourselves].

Colossus [Deadpool (2016)]

Love story, horror film, or superhero flick, Deadpool does offer some decent life advice. Like don’t give your life working for shit-spackled muppet farts. And the quote above. Because maybe I don’t have to manage my shit all day. Perhaps there are just a handful of key times that could make all the difference. I suppose we’ll find out. And there’s always the option of turning some asshole into a fucking kebab (metaphorically speaking, of course).

Scene from Deadpool where Deadpool is holding a man above his head, skewered with his katanas. The text reads "You're probably thinking, 'This is a superhero movie, but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kebab.'"

Oh. Also in the category of both up and down, Brothersong was released at the beginning of the month. If you haven’t given yourself the gift of spending time in Green Creek, I highly recommend it. But the ending of any major series is bittersweet and, in typical TJ Klune fashion, this book hits right in the feels. 

Categories: general musing

Tagged as:

Stormy Lane McKnight

Writer of trashy queer superhero romance, smutty sci-fi, and other things that are gay af. Disaster enby and all around bisexual wrecking ball.